Looking Back and Looking Forward
Last lecture, last exam, last day, retreat, intense bonding with classmates, retreat letters, baccalaureate mass, fireworks, exit through the arc, signing of college uniforms, last dinner in Dapitan, solemn investiture, last photo opportunity with friends, lunch with family, and events that fall under my last-of-college category are moments that cause nothing but intense nostalgia. Whenever I’m alone, I wonder if anyone else felt the way I did. Then I go online and browse through my classmate’s posts until I find comfort to the fact that they feel the same, at least for a moment. The last few months in college weren’t the only good times in our lives, but it was one we went through together. I guess that’s what we always try to find — that moment when we all feel the same thing.
The nostalgic part in me wants to hold on to those precious memories. Some of my nights after graduation, I spent browsing pictures with friends and classmates. A part of me didn’t want to move on and just let time stand still.
Like feeling either dead or alive on some days. The feeling of being alive; every time I win a game at poker, when I eat/cook good food, the trip that my family had in Baguio, watching movies, spending time with my baby brother, accomplishing some items included in my summer bucket list, the trip my friends and I had in Cagayan, watching the teaser of Justin Bieber’s Boyfriend and the weddings I attended this April. The feeling of being dead; boredom, the fear of being in the real world (which actually seemed to be more scary and more real after graduation), the fear of not being able to enter the law school that I’ve been wanting, wishing and hoping for, and the fear of not moving on.
Luckily, what I learned from this half-life part of my life after college is that, moving on is easier if I knew which path to take. Of course, to move on is to move forward, but sometimes, there’s just no clue on the next step to take. This leads me to timing, the faith that everything will fall into its right place at the right time.
That moment of clarity, the time wherein I can just drop everything and go, to move forward from the formal structure, pressure, fear in life and just let loose, learn, grow, discover, reach out and prepare myself for the dream that is ahead of me.
Cheers to my life after college and to the rest of summer!
Felt like reminiscing and wanting to write about how the month of February happened so fast. Tonight is flashback night! Check out the collage I made for some of the events this Feb! :)
Completion of Help. Contribute. Act Project in San Ildefonso, Bulacan.
Feb 14 celebration with friends <3 <3 <3
Sleepover at Jamela’s house to prepare for the product fair
Product fair! Fun and tiring day for the Econ seniors
JPES Sportsfest at Amoranto Gym. Foodtrip+Tong-its+TFC Scandal. Haha!
Baguio trip with Daddy, Anne and Jr!
I’m so happy that a lot of good things happened this month. March, I’m not ready for you <////3
Pre-grad depression:: Semi-on
I spent my Friday night talking to my Dad on the phone to cope up with the homesickness I’ve been feeling lately. He really appreciated the call for he was alone at home, my mom and baby brother attended choir practice. I also got the chance to have a good sleep to be able to prepare for Saturday’s activities.
Woke up really early last Saturday morning and decided to catch up with gossip girl episodes. It was 3:30 when I heard noise from the door, I assumed it was my brother. After 30 minutes, there was a noise coming from the door again. I got up from bed to open the door and to my surprise, it was my mom and baby brother.
Surprise visits make me cry. I hugged them immediately. My mom said that they really missed us so they decided last Friday to visit us. Anyway, we decided to wake up everybody in the house. We were all so surprised. We stayed in the girl’s room and tickled JR for hours. We were all amazed of his physical changes.
In the late morning, my dad booked a flight to Manila to catch up with us. I skipped shopping with mom to be able to accomplish Strat requirements first. Boo! Went home 3 in the afternoon, my dad arrived 3:30 with a Tugue pansit for all of us. Yay!
We were on full house this weekend. Family + Good food (Tugue Pansit + Crispy Pata + Bihon + Grilled pork and chicken + Roasted chicken + Empanada + Siomai + Spaghetti + Empanada + Tapa + Bituelas + Monggo + Fruits + Chocolates) + Conversation over meals which is extended at the sofa for after-dinner conversation + playing cards with baby JR and Mommy + Movies + Sunday mass. It’s like I’ve never left home at all.
The thing is, we always define home as where the heart is. This weekend, I came to appreciate the definition of home as where your family is. It doesn’t really matter where you are as long as you are with your family. That is where love is.
Homesick Syndrome (just for tonight)
Can someone just take me back to where I belong? I miss the real comfort a home brings. I miss the view of Mom’s garden. I miss my room. My bed. The dogs. I miss having real conversation over meals. I miss good food. I miss being with my baby brother; cuddle him, watch cartoons with him, eat, sleep, swim, run after him, and just simply spend time with him. I miss the grown-up discussions with my parents. I miss home. I miss peace.
Spent my weekend watching movies and reuniting with some of my highschool friends, Shayne and Faye! We went to Banchetto for dinner. We ate street foods, deep dish pizza, Ilocos empanada, beef with mushroom, devil’s cake, strawberry shortcake. Ruined diet, hahaha! We also played different card games after eating. I guess my favorite part is the stories we’ve shared and the long walk we had just to savor the cold weather. And oh, we also loved the fireworks. Hahaha! Fun night!
Got a mail from a college friend who is in the states right now.
The letter made me miss her so much.
Nothing beats the snail mail! <3
Thanks to Nika a.k.a my Tongits coach for the cards! :)